I don’t know what it is about this year, but it is HARD already. Perhaps it’s all the rain and grey we’re having here in southern Ontario. Don’t know about you folks, but I swear I haven’t seen the sun in weeks. We usually have snow by now, or at least a hint or threat of it. But nothing. The snow at least makes things seem brighter.
I try to not write too many deeply personal things on this blog, mostly because I doubt anyone wants to read the gobbledygook of my heart (yes I had to google how to spell gobbledygook). Today I break that rule a bit. I’m going through some pretty heavy and emotional stuff right now. Without going into too many details, I will tell you it’s surrounding the trauma I suffered during the birth of my son. It’s a lot to work through. A lot of remembering. A lot of nightmares. It sucks. It’s necessary and healing and cathartic, but it SUCKS. It’s piled on top of the rest of life which as you know, is a struggle during the winter months anyway.
Yesterday was a particularly challenging day, with a lot of tears and heart wrenching sobbing. At some point in the day I found myself at an old familiar blog. If you are a crocheter you may be familiar with Wink from a creative being. Wink had always been very honest about her struggles with depression. She credited crocheting with helping save her life from it’s darkness. Sadly in June of this past year Wink lost her battle with depression and took her own life. Her passing hit the crochet community hard and it hit people like me even harder. She lost her battle. Battles are lost every single day. I struggled to wrap my head around this, but understood the sorrow and pain she must have felt as I have been in a similar spot more than once.
I’m not sure why I visited her site. I knew she wasn’t with us anymore and I knew her sister wrote the last post back in June so I wasn’t expecting anything new. But there was something new. Something awesomely new!!
Wink was known for crocheting mandala’s like this one:
image source, http://www.acreativebeing.com/patterns/mandala-en/
Aren’t they so beautiful? She made 15 of them in total that she shared on her blog.
Well back in September her sister wrote this post. It talked about a few things; bringing awareness to depression, a really cool collaborative art project that was put together in memory of Wink and this blanket:
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image source, http://www.aspoonfulofyarn.com/2015/08/26/pattern-recapwinks-mandalas-blanket/
Wink’s sister in law, struggling to come to grips with the loss of her friend and a member of her family, made a blanket out of Wink’s 15 mandala patterns. She added 5 more of her own to honour Wink’s memory. It was such a beautiful thing to read about (insert more crying here). It inspired me. In that very moment I decided to make one of my own.
It’s a huge project. It will take time and it will be challenging, especially since Wink was from the Netherlands and I can’t get the exact yarn she uses. But I don’t care. I need something to keep me focused this winter. To keep my hands and mind busy so I don’t think so much. This is perfect. It’s beautiful and big and emotional and perfect.
image source, http://www.aspoonfulofyarn.com/2015/08/26/pattern-recapwinks-mandalas-blanket/
I will keep you updated on my progress. If anyone wants to join me, Wink’s sister in law posted the pattern here. If you are local we could work together to figure out yarn equivalents 🙂
Anywho, that’s it for today. If you’re reading this line, thank you. I don’t know how many people actually read my blogs (feel free to comment if you do!), but I appreciate each and every one of you.
Herbally yours,
Correne
I love you correne! The blanket is a beautiful project for this winter and I hope it will help distract your mind some! Thinking of you and sending hugs! Will write soon about my birth story with Eleyna. Xo
Thank you Andrea. xoxo
I hope crocheting this blanket helps you as it helped me. Of course it doesn’t take all the pain away, but even a little happiness can make life a bit easier. I used drops paris, I think it’s internationally available since it’s not a dutch brand. I’m looking forward to see your blanket.
X christina (from a spoonful of yarn)
Thank you so much for your comment Christina. I did not expect you to read my little blog! Thank you so much for creating this pattern and using Wink’s mandalas. I am very much looking forward to making it. I agree completely; the joy of making this blanket and experiencing the beauty of Wink’s mandalas this way will certainly make things brighter. She made the most beautiful things out of yarn.
I can find the Drops yarn at the Wool Warehouse online! Just not sure if I can afford to get it all at once, but the Bernat Handicrafter yarn I have access to just doesn’t have the colour palette. We will see. Thank you again for your comment and I will definitely post pictures of my progress.
I too suffer from depression, anxiety, and currently a mix of seasonal depression and what seems to be delayed postpartum depression. I appreciate the time and thought you have put into your posts, especially this series on beating the winter blues. Thank you for sharing your experience, you are not alone, and thank you for reminding me that I’m also not alone in this struggle.
Thank you for your kind words Mel! It’s easy to feel alone in this struggle. I still often do. The light therapy really does help (I got my lamp at Costco). And crocheting helps for me too. I plan on blogging more in the new year about even more tactics (meditation, vitamins etc). Thanks for reading and I hope it continues to help.