I don’t know what it is about this year, but it is HARD already. Perhaps it’s all the rain and grey we’re having here in southern Ontario. Don’t know about you folks, but I swear I haven’t seen the sun in weeks. We usually have snow by now, or at least a hint or threat of it. But nothing. The snow at least makes things seem brighter.
I try to not write too many deeply personal things on this blog, mostly because I doubt anyone wants to read the gobbledygook of my heart (yes I had to google how to spell gobbledygook). Today I break that rule a bit. I’m going through some pretty heavy and emotional stuff right now. Without going into too many details, I will tell you it’s surrounding the trauma I suffered during the birth of my son. It’s a lot to work through. A lot of remembering. A lot of nightmares. It sucks. It’s necessary and healing and cathartic, but it SUCKS. It’s piled on top of the rest of life which as you know, is a struggle during the winter months anyway.
Yesterday was a particularly challenging day, with a lot of tears and heart wrenching sobbing. At some point in the day I found myself at an old familiar blog. If you are a crocheter you may be familiar with Wink from a creative being. Wink had always been very honest about her struggles with depression. She credited crocheting with helping save her life from it’s darkness. Sadly in June of this past year Wink lost her battle with depression and took her own life. Her passing hit the crochet community hard and it hit people like me even harder. She lost her battle. Battles are lost every single day. I struggled to wrap my head around this, but understood the sorrow and pain she must have felt as I have been in a similar spot more than once.
I’m not sure why I visited her site. I knew she wasn’t with us anymore and I knew her sister wrote the last post back in June so I wasn’t expecting anything new. But there was something new. Something awesomely new!!
Wink was known for crocheting mandala’s like this one:
Aren’t they so beautiful? She made 15 of them in total that she shared on her blog.
Well back in September her sister wrote this post. It talked about a few things; bringing awareness to depression, a really cool collaborative art project that was put together in memory of Wink and this blanket:
Wink’s sister in law, struggling to come to grips with the loss of her friend and a member of her family, made a blanket out of Wink’s 15 mandala patterns. She added 5 more of her own to honour Wink’s memory. It was such a beautiful thing to read about (insert more crying here). It inspired me. In that very moment I decided to make one of my own.
It’s a huge project. It will take time and it will be challenging, especially since Wink was from the Netherlands and I can’t get the exact yarn she uses. But I don’t care. I need something to keep me focused this winter. To keep my hands and mind busy so I don’t think so much. This is perfect. It’s beautiful and big and emotional and perfect.
I will keep you updated on my progress. If anyone wants to join me, Wink’s sister in law posted the pattern here. If you are local we could work together to figure out yarn equivalents
Anywho, that’s it for today. If you’re reading this line, thank you. I don’t know how many people actually read my blogs (feel free to comment if you do!), but I appreciate each and every one of you.